Establishing Relationship

Relationships can be full of challenges as well as rewards. When two mentally balanced individuals are committed to one another, put forth an effort, and strive to behave in loving and respectful ways, the relationship can be a loving, mutually rewarding union. However, in a relationship where the dynamic in unhealthy and unbalanced, such as abusive relationships or one mired in the chaos of addiction, the ability to enjoy and relax in the relationship is destroyed.
The red flag system is affected in this situation - when we are faced with danger or threat, it is natural for us to get the surge of adrenaline and stress hormones that give us the energy to fight or flee the danger. In an abusive or chaotic relationship, this response may be so chronically activated and suppressed that physical illness, stress, and other emotional symptoms may result. It is important to allow your instincts to inform you and to relieve the pressure caused by chronic stressors. Here are 3 steps to re-establishing and honoring your instincts in your relationships:

1. Care for your physical body. Chronic stress and fight or flight responses that have little or no release can wear you down physically. Eat well, reducing processed foods and sugars, and increasing your intake of fruit, vegetables, healthy proteins, and whole grains. Take supplements if necessary, starting with food based multivitamins, calcium, and fish oil. L-Theanine is a good natural anti-anxiety supplement. Get some exercise, ideally cardiovascular in nature, after checking with your doctor.

2. Begin focusing on your body's response to external stimuli. If someone yells at you, or cuts you off in traffic, begin to increase your awareness of how you respond to that. Does your stomach churn, or jaw tighten? How about when you get a nice phone call from a friend? Do you feel more peaceful or relaxed? Try spending more time in situations that make you feel more positive reactions.

3. Begin applying this awareness to your various relationships. You may find certain people or their behaviors negatively impact you, and that you gravitate away from them. Work to increase your time and interactions with those in your life who are "safe" and supportive, and who don't provoke the negative responses.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

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Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.